Freeware

A list of compiled freeware, don’t let the links fool you they are proper:

Anti-Virus:
a-squared – emsisoft.com
AntiVir – free-av.com
Avast – avast.com
AVG – grisoft.com
BitDefender – bitdefender.com
ClamWin – clamwin.com

Anti Spyware:
Ad-aware – lavasoft.de
Bazooka – kephyr.com
Browser Hijack Retaliator – zamaansoft.com
Hijackthis – spywareinfo.com
Hitman Pro – hitmanpro.nl
SpyBot Search & Destroy – spybot.safer-networking.de
SpywareBlaster – javacoolsoftware.com
SpywareGuard – javacoolsoftware.com
WinPatrol – winpatrol.com

Audio Creation:
Gungirl Sequencer – sourceforge.net
HammerHead – threechords.com/
Jesusonic – jesusonic.com
KRISTAL Audio Engine – kreatives.org
orDrumbox – sourceforge.net
Reaper – cockos.com
Tu2 – brambos.com

Audio Players:
1by1 – rz.uni-frankfurt.de
Billy – sheepfriends.com
CoolPlayer – sourceforge.net
DeejaySystem MK1 – deejaysystem.com
DeliPlayer. deliplayer.com
Evil Player – evilplayer.server-host.com
Foobar 2000 – foobar2000.org
iTunes – apple.com
Jet Audio Basic – jetaudio.com
Mixere – sourceforge.net
Mixxx – sourceforge.net
monoRAVEik – mono211.com
MoreAmp – http://sourceforge.net/projects/moreamp/
Musik – musik.berlios.de
musikCube – musikcube.com
QCD Player – quinnware.com
Sonique – sonique.lycos.com
Winamp – winamp.com
XMPlay – un4seen.com
Zinf – zinf.org

Audio Tools:
Audacity – sourceforge.net
Audio Grabber – audiograbber.com
AudioShell – softpointer.com
BeSweet – doom9.net
CDex – sourceforge.net
dBpowerAMP Music Converter – .dbpoweramp.com
EAC – exactaudiocopy.de
Encounter 2003 – waschbusch.com
GermaniXEncoder – germanixsoft.de
K-MP3 – katarncorp.com
KraMixer – kramware.com
MP3 Book Helper – sourceforge.net
MP3 Tag – mp3tag.de
Mp3 Tag Tools – sourceforge.net
mp3DirectCut – rz.uni-frankfurt.de
MP3Gain – geocities.com
mp3Trim – logiccell.com
MusicBrainz – musicbrainz.org
Rarewares – hydrogenaudio.org
SoundEngine Free – cycleof5th.com
TagScanner – narod.ru
The GodFather – otenet.gr
TigoTago – tigotago.com

CD/DVD Burning:
Burn4Free – burn4free.com
Burnatonce – burnatonce.com
Burrrn – burrrn.net
CDBurnerXP – cdburnerxp.se
CDRDAO – cdrdao.sourceforge.net
CDR Tools Frontend – demosten.com
Deepburner – deepburner.com
DVD Decrypter: dvddecrypter.com
Easy Burning, DropCD & Audio CD – paehl.de
ImgBurn – imgburn.com
ISO Recorder – alexfeinman.com
SilentNight – silentnight2004.com

CD/DVD Menu + Authoring:
DVDStyler – sourceforge.net
Smart CD-Menu Creator – cupidsystems.com
GUI for dvdauthor – videohelp.com
eCover – esoftware.it

Compression / Decompression:
7-zip – 7-zip.org
bzip2 – redhat.com
ExtractNow – extractnow.com
FilZip – filzip.com
Info-Zip – info-zip.org
IZArc – florida.plus.com/
KGB Archiver – icpnet.pl
QuickZip – quickzip.org
TUGZip – tugzip.com
UPX – sourceforge.net
Zip&Go – handybits.com
Zipfocus – skaro.net
Zipgenius – zipgenius.it

Defrag Software:
DIRMS & Buzzsaw – dirms.com
OpenVMS – execsoft.com
Whitney Defrag – whitneyfamily.org

Desktop Enhancement:
AveDesk – aqua-soft.org
CursorXP – stardock.com
Desktop Sidebar – desktopsidebar.com
DM2 – sourceforge.net
Filehand – .filehand.com
Glass2k – chime.tv
Kapsules – shellscape.org
Konfabulator – konfabulator.com
Locate32 – webhop.org
Lost Goggles – lostgoggles.com
MobyDock – mobydock.com
Panorama – ivory.org
Rainlendar – ipi.fi
RunFast – idiogensoftware.com
Samurize – samurize.com
SlickRun – bayden.com
Snippy – bhelpuri.net
TaskSwitchXP Pro – ntwind.com
tclock2 – inreach.com
Trip – glenmurphy.com
Weather Watcher – singerscreations.com
WinRoll – palma.com/

Download Managers:
Free Download Manager – freedownloadmanager.org
Fresh Download – freshdevices.com
LeechGet – leechget.net
Retriever – halogenware.com
Star Downloader – stardownloader.com
Sun Download Manager – sun.com
wackget – /millweed.com
wget – virgilio.it
WellGet – wellget.com

Encryption and data security:
Axcrypt – sourceforge.net/
Blowfish Advanced CS- bsn.ch
Cryptainer LE – cypherix.com
Eraser – heidi.ie
File Shredder – sys-shield.com
KeePass – sourceforge.net
GnuPG – gnupg.org
PGP Freeware – pgp.com
PicoCrypt – picofactory.com
TrueCrypt – truecrypt.org
WindowsCleaner – winnowsoft.com

File Managers:
2xExplorer – netez.com
A43 – shawneelink.net
Cubic Explorer – cubicreality.com
ExplorerXP – explorerxp.com
freeCommander – freecommander.com
Gyula’s Navigator – wanari.com
JExplorer – megapass.co
MeeSoft Commander – logicnet.dk

File Repair And Recovery:
PC Inspector File Recovery – pcinspector.de
ERUNT – The Emergency Recovery Utility NT – t-online.de

Firewalls:
Comodo Personal Firewall – comodo.com
etico Personal Firewall – jetico.com
Kerio (Kerio Personal Firewall is FREE for home and personal use) – kerio.com
NetVeda Safetynet – netveda.com
Outpost Firewall (version 1 is free) – agnitum.com
SoftPerfect Personal Firewall – softperfect.com
Sygate – sygate.com
Wyvern Firewall 2004 – wyvernworks.com
Zonealarm Basic firewall – .zonelabs.com

FTP Clients:
CoreFTP – coreftp.com
Filezilla – sourceforge.net
miFiles – simdata.com
SmartFTP – smartftp.com

FTP Servers:
Cerberus – cerberusftp.com
FileZilla – sourceforge.net
Golden FTP Server – goldenftpserver.com
GuildFTPD – totalshareware.com
Quick ‘n Easy FTP Server – pablovandermeer.nl
SlimFTPd – whitsoftdev.com
TYPSoft FTP Server – typsoft.com
WarFTPD – jgaa.com

HTML Editors:
1st page 2000 – evrsoft.com
AceHTML – acehtml.com
Aracnophilia – arachnoid.com/
FoxEditor – sourceforge.net
HTML-Kit – chami.com
mi – mimikaki.net
Notetab light – notetab.com
NVU – nvu.com
>PHP Designer 2007 – mpsoftware.dk
Selida – amaryllis.8m.com
Taco HTML Edit – tacosw.com
Trellian webPAGE – vendercom.com
TSW WebCoder – tsware.net
WebDwarf – virtualmechanics.com
WYSIWYG Web Builder – pablosoftwaresolutions.com

Imaging Software:
Ahaview – aha-soft.com
FastStone Image Viewer – .faststone.org
Irfanview – irfanview.com
Picasa – picasa.com
Shell Extension – firmtools.com
SlowView – slowview.at
XNView – xnview.com

Instant Messengers:
AMSN – sourceforge.net
Gaim – sourceforge.net
Google Talk – google.com
IM2: im2.com
Mercury Messenger – mercury.to
Miranda IM – miranda-im.org
Pandion – pandion.be
PSI – affinix.com
qip – qip.ru
Skype – .skype.com
SIM – sourceforge.net
TerraIM – sourceforge.net
Trillian Basic – trillian.cc

Internet Explorer Front-Ends
AM Browser – ambrowser.com
AOL Browser – aol.com
Avantbrowser – avantbrowser.com
Maxthon – maxthon.com
SlimBrowser – flashpeak.com

IRC Clients:
BersIRC – .bersirc.com
BitchX – bitchx.org
HydraIRC – hydrairc.com
NodeIRC – sourceforge.net
TinyIRC – tinyirc.net
XChat – silverex.org

Mail Programs:
Foxmail – foxmail.com
i.Scribe – memecode.com
Mahogany Mail – sourceforge.net
Pegasus Mail – pmail.com
PopTray – poptray.org
Thunderbird – mozilla.org

Anti Spam Programs:
K9 – keir.net
MailWasher- mailwasher.net
POPFile – sourceforge.net
SpamBayes – sourceforge.net
SpamPal – spampal.org

Network Tools:
CMDTime NTP Utility – softshape.com
Ethereal Protocol Analyzer – ethereal.com
Gencontrol – gensortium.com
hamachi – .hamachi.cc
NetMeter – gmxhome.de
NetProfiles – danielmilner.com
NMap – insecure.org
Ntop – ntop.org
PingPlotter – pingplotter.com
PuTTY – greenend.org
RAS Graph & Stats – flashfxp.com
RealVNC – realvnc.com
TightVNC – tightvnc.org
Ultr@VNC – sourceforge.net
WinSCP – winscp.com

Office Suite:
602PC Suite free edition – software602.com
AbiWord – abiword.com
OpenOffice.org – openoffice.org
qjot – xtort.net
TreeDBNotes – softviewer.com

Partition Managers:
Partition Resizer – zeleps.com
Ranish Partition Manager – ranish.com
SwissKnife – compuapps.com
TestDisk – cgsecurity.org

PDF Utilities:
Brava! Reader – bravaviewer.com
CutePDF – cutepdf.com
Foxit PDF Reader – foxitsoftware.com
Free PDF – webxd.com
Ghostscript/GSView – ghostscript.com
PDF 995 – pdf995.com
PDFCreator – sourceforge.net
PrimoPDF – primopdf.com

Photomanipulation and 2D and 3D Image Design:
3D Apartment Designer – databecker.net
ArtRage – ambientdesign.com
Artweaver – www.artweaver.de
Boxmaker Classic – bobyte.com
ColorPic – iconico.com
Deep Paint – download.com
Delineate – sourceforge.net
iIco – mintrasystems.com
ImageJ – nih.gov
Inkscape – inkscape.org
JPEGCrops – ekot.dk
Paint .NET – wsu.edu
Pixia – wakwak.com
Pixie – nattyware.com
PhotoFiltre – photofiltre.com
Photoshape – bobyte.com
Recolored – recolored.com
Seashore – sourceforge.net
Sodipodi – sodipodi.com
The Gimp – gimp.org
Tuxpaint – newbreedsoftware.com
Wax – debugmode.com
Wink – debugmode.com
WinMorph – debugmode.com

Programming:
ActivePerl – activestate.com
BlueJ – bluej.org
Crimson Editor – crimsoneditor.com
Code::Blocks – codeblocks.org
Context – context.cx
Dev C++ – bloodshed.net
Dev Pascal – bloodshed.net
Digital Mars C++ – digitalmars.com
Eclipse – .eclipse.org
Enigma – freeserve.co
ExamDiff – prestosoft.com
Freepascal – freepascal.org
JCreator LE – jcreator.com
jEdit – jedit.org
Metapad – liquidninja.com
Notepad++ – sourceforge.net
Notepad2 – flos-freeware.ch
Open Watcom – openwatcom.org
Pelles C – smorgasbordet.com
PHP Hypertext Parser – php.net
Programmer’s Notepad – pnotepad.org
PSPad – pspad.com
Python – python.org
Ruby – dm4lab.to
SharpDevelop – icsharpcode.net
WebMatrix – asp.net
WinMerge – winmerge.org

Pop-up Blockers:
Google Toolbar – www.google.com
NoAds – .southbaypc.com
PopUp Stopper – panicware.com
Privoxy – privoxy.org
Proxomitron – proxomitron.info

RSS Readers:
Ablion – fileheaven.com
BlogExpress – usablelabs.com
Feedreader – feedreader.com
FireANT – antisnottv.net
GreatNews – curiostudio.com
RssBandit – rssbandit.org
RSSOwl – rssowl.org
RssReader – rssreader.com
RSS Xpress – free.fr
SharpReader – sharpreader.net

Server Tools:
phpMyAdmin v2.8.2.4 – phpmyadmin.net

System Information and monitoring:
AIDA32 – sofotex.com
ATITool – techpowerup.com
ATI Tray Tools – guru3d.com
CPU-Z – cpuid.com
Everest – lavalys.com
HWiNFO – hwinfo.com
Gkrellm – nalens.com
K1 – free.fr
Motherboard monitor – majorgeeks.com
SpeedFan – almico.com
Sysmetrix – www.xymantix.com
WCPUID – .vector.co.jp
WhatsRunning – whatsrunning.net
WINAUDIT – pxserver.com

System Tools:
OnyX – free.fr
Time Out! – dejal.com
MenuMeters – ragingmenace.com
Growl – growl.info

Torrent Tools:
Azureus – sourceforge.net
BitComet – bitcomet.com
µTorrent – utorrent.com

Video codecs:
DivX Codec – divx.com
FFDSHOW – sourceforge.net
XviD – xvid.org

Video players :
AC3Filter – sourceforge.netr
AVS DVD Player – avsmedia.com
BsPlayer – bsplayer.org
Crystal Player – crystalplayer.com
Cygwin MPlayer – nicewarrior.org
DivX Player – divx.com
FlowPlayer – .sourceforge.net
MaximusDVD – maximusdvd.com
Media Player Classic – sourceforge.net
MPUI – sourceforge.net
VideoLan – videolan.org

Video tools and conversion:
AVI2DVD – trustfm.net
AviTricks Classic – bobyte.com
AviSplit Classic – bobyte.com
AviScreen Classic – bobyte.com
CombiMovie Classic – bobyte.com
DScaler – sourceforge.net
FlasKMPEG – flaskmpeg.net
GSpot – headbands.com
HDTVtoMPEG2 – midwinter.com
PSP Video 9 – pspvideo9.com
Riva FLV Encoder 2.0 – rivavx.com
STOIK Video Converter – www.softforall.com
SUPER – erightsoft.com
The FilmMachine – home.nl
TMPGEnc – tmpgenc.net
Video DVD Maker – videodvdmaker.com
Videora iPod Converter – videora.com
VCDEasy – aplusfreeware.com
VirtualDub – www.virtualdub.org
VirtualDubMod – sourceforge.net
Zwei-Stein Video Editor – thugsatbay.com

Web browsers:
Firefox – getfirefox.com
K-Meleon – sourceforge.net
Mozilla – mozilla.org
Netscape – netscape.com
Opera – opera.com
Avant Browser – avantbrowser.com

Web servers:
Abyss – sourceforge.net
Apache – apache.org
Apache2Triad – apache2triad.net
FastStone 4in1 Browser – faststone.org
HTTP File Server – rejetto.com
Sambar – sambar.com
Savant – sourceforge.net
SimpleServer:WWW – analogx.com
Smart Cache – sourceforge.ne/
TinyWeb – ritlabs.com
Xitami – xitami.com

Webcam Software And Call Software:
booruWebCam – booru.net
Dorgem – sourceforge.net
grabMotion – grabmotion.com
Pryme – hilo.dk
Skype – skype.com

Checksum Utilities:
fsum – slavasoft.com
HashCalc – slavasoft.com
hksfv – big-o-software.com
ICEECC – ice-graphics.com
md5sum – etree.org
md5summer – md5summer.org
MooSFV – ubercow.com
QuickPar – quickpar.org.uk
QuickSFV – geocities.com

General Utilities And Other Applications:
AdShield – lossepladsen.dk
AnalogX – analogx.com
AppRocket – candylabs.com
AutoIt – hiddensoft.com
BISS – bluetack.co.uk
Celestia – shatters.net
CCleaner – cleaner.com
ClipX – bluemars.org
Contact – isaacboy.com
Cygwin – http://www.cygwin.com
Dir2HTML – pc-tools.net
Dirkey – protonfx.com
EasyCleaner – inet.fi
EditPad Lite – editpadpro.com
EssentialPIM – essentialpim.com
Excessive-software – excessive-software.eu
File Transfer Expert – digital-digest.com
Folder Size Extension – sourceforge.net
Hamsin Clipboard – iisr-cnc.com
HTTrack – httrack.com
Inno Setup – jrsoftware.org
KeyNote – tranglos.com
Language Identifier – languageidentifier.com
Link Checker – relsoftware.com
Memtest-86 – memtest86.com
Money Manager – thezeal.com
Multi Install – sourceforge.net
MWSnap – mirekw.com
NetTime – sourceforge.net
Nullsoft Installer – nullsoft.com
Open Subfolder – bubblepop.com
Outlook Linker – teamscope.com
Peerguardian – methlabs.org
Process Explorer (aka ProcessXP) – sysinternals.com
png2ico – winterdrache.de
RegSeeker – hoverdesk.net
Restoration – telus.net
Rootkit Removal & Identification Software -

antirootkit.com
Space Monger – werkema.com
Startup Control Panel – mlin.net
Stickies – finiteloop.org
StrokeIt – tcbmi.com
Syncback – 2brightsparks.com
Sysinternals – sysinternals.com
TextHarvest – aol.com
Toolbox – sil.org
TreeSize – jam-software.com
TuneXP – .driverheaven.net
Turbo Pad – sourceforge.net
Unlocker – free.fr
URLSnooper – donationcoder.com
Vim – sourceforge.net
WeathAlert – sunysb.edu
Weather Watcher – singerscreations.com
Winboss – bobyte.com
WordWeb – wordweb.info
XP AntiSpy – xpantispy.org
YourDir – primeoption.com

Ultimate List of Free Office Software from Microsoft
bhandler.spaces.live.com

Free Windows NT4/2000/XP/2003 Tweaks And Extras:
Extras – mdgx.com
Powertoys And Tweaks – mdgx.com

New Stuff as of 2007

Free Image Hosting
Photobucket – photobucket.com
Imageshack – imageshack.us
Da Playaz Club – daplayazclub.com/uploader/upload.php
Da Playaz Club -daplayazclub.com/uploads/
Movv – movv.com/prvupload/upload.php
Movv – movv.com/prvupload/uploads/
Reichnation – reichnation.com/upload1.php
Reichnation – reichnation.com/uploads/
Six-online – six-online.com/fileupload/
Six-online – six-online.com/fileupload/index.php
PCmunkey – pcmunkey.net – once they have there servers back.
xbox-connection – xbox-connection.com/hostedimages/index2.php
xbox-connection – xbox-connection.com/hostedimages/
Freepixhosting – freepixhosting.com
Freepixhosting – freepixhosting.com/uploadedfiles/
9ximage – 9ximage.com/
00gaming – 00gaming.com/00ImageHost/
Deanfarham – deanfarnham.net
Sighost – sighost.us
Photojerk – photojerk.com

File Hosting
fileupyours.com
Everything unlimited

datapickup.com
Max File Size: 1.5GB
File deleted after 7 days

freespace.filefront.com
Max File Size: 1GB (Files cannot be larger than 1GB or take more than 10 hours to upload)
Everything else is unlimited.

yousendit.com
Max File Size: 1GB
File deleted after 7 days

transferbigfiles.com
Max File Size: 1GB
File deleted after 5 days/20 downloads

spread-it.com
Max File Size: 500MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

ftpz.us
Max File Size: 498MB
Everything else is unlimited

thefilehut.com
Max File Size: 250MB
Free registration required

megaupload.com
Max File Size: 250MB (used to be 500MB)
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

updownloadserver.com
Max File Size: 250MB (Uploads will be checked by an admin before publishing)

sharebigfile.com
Max File Size: 250MB
File deleted after 7 days

filecache.de
Max File Size: 125MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

pushfile.net
Max File Size: 100MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 7 days

dropload.com
Max File Size: 100MB
File deleted after 7 days or after the first download (yep.. it’s true)

turboupload.com
Max File Size: 70MB

picapic.net
Max File Size: 60MB

nexmicrosystems.com
Max File Size: 60MB
File deleted after 30 days

savefile.com
Max File Size: 60MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 14 or 30 days. FAQ says 14, upload page says 30…

psychohost.com
Max File Size: 50MB
Everything else unlimited.

freeuploader.com
Max File Size: 50MB

ushareit.com
Max File Size: 50MB

sharefiles.ru
Max File Size: 50MB
File deleted after 30 days

wirefiles.com
Max File Size: 50MB

xshare.us
Max File Size: 50MB

app02.bonpoo.com/file.htm
Max File Size: 50MB

rapidshare.de
Max File size: 50MB
Download Limit: 50MB/hour
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

qfile.de
Max File size: 50MB
Download Limit: 50MB/hour
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

uploadhut.com
Max File Size: 50MB

gigashare.com
Max File Size: 50MB (multiple files upload option)

illhostit.com
Max File Size: 40MB

filebuffer.net
Max File Size: 40MB
Everything else seems to be unlimited

35mb.com
Max File Size: 35MB
Free registration required
Everything else is unlimited

up.li.ru
Max File Size: 32MB
File deleted after 3 days (2 months if file extension is jpg/jpeg/png)

sendmefile.com
Max File Size: 30MB
File deleted after 14 days

swiftdesk.com
Max File Size: 30MB
Free registration required

ultrashare.net
Max File Size: 30MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days.

falcon.o-wh.com
Max File Size: 30MB

ripway.com
Max File Size: 30MB
Free registration required

mytempdir.com
Max File Size: 25MB
File deleted after 14 days

myfilestash.com
Max File Size: 25MB
Free registration required

myfileshack.com
Max File Size: 25MB
Free registration required

11mbit.de
Max File Size: 20MB

webfile.ru
Max File Size: 20MB
File deleted after 7 days

yourfilehost.com
Max File Size: 10MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 14 days

da_insane.boo.pl/d/upload/
Max File Size: 10MB

filesupload.com
Max File Size: 10MB
Free registration required

4shared.com
Max File Size: 10MB
Free registration required

come2store.com
Max File Size: 10MB
Free registration required

webfilehost.com
Max File Size: 10MB
File deleted after 30 days

filecabi.net/free-video-hosting.html
Max File Size: 10MB
File deleted if not viewed for 30 days

putfile.com
Max File Size: 10MB
File deleted if not viewed for 6 months

uppit.com
Max File Size: 6MB
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

zippyvideos.com
Max File Size: 5MB
File deleted if not viewed for 60 days

desearch.net
Max File Size: 4MB

uploadx.net
Max File Size: 3MB

filepost.us
Max File Size: 3MB
Free registration required

thefilebucket.com
Max File Size: 2MB (not sure)
Free registration required

storagefun.com
Max File Size: 2MB
Free registration required

flypicture.com
Max File Size: 1MB
File deleted after 30 days

bestupload.com
Max File Size: 600K
File deleted if not downloaded for 30 days

zupload.com
- unlimited download
- Resume Download : No
- upload filesize is 500 Mb

Make A Comment: ( 21 so far )

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21 Responses to “Freeware”

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[...] UserbarsFreeware jump to navigation [...]

Wow! That’s really cool and handy! Thanks! *clicks some links*

Your very welcome, more to be added as well…

Very helpfull links you got there bro… nice.. can i copy it and put it in mine ?

No probs, but i at least expect a single trackback… :P

Great site! You can find related info on the following sites:

excellent collection of freeware….bookmarked!

winzip?

7-zip is better :P

o

Blayde do you have Aol Intant Messenger or Yahoo Instange messenger? If you do wats your screename, i would love to get in touch with you.

awesome info… thank you.

good job!

very killing links. thanks for the great collection. It seems A-Z computer & IT resource.

Thx Man!
:)

Awesome!

Hello my friends!
The interesting name of a site – blayde.wordpress.com
I at night 7 hours
looked in the Internet So I have found your site :)
The interesting site but does not suffice several sections!
However this section is very necessary!
Necessarily I shall advise your site to the friends!
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Test message
Sorry me noob…

There was this guy see.
He wasn’t very bright and he reached his adult life without ever having learned “the facts”.
Somehow, it gets to be his wedding day.
While he is walking down the isle, his father tugs his sleeve and says,

“Son, when you get to the hotel room…Call me”

Hours later he gets to the hotel room with his beautiful blushing bride and he calls his father,

“Dad, we are the hotel, what do I do?”

“O.K. Son, listen up, take off your clothes and get in the bed, then she should take off her clothes and get in the bed, if not help her. Then either way, ah, call me”

A few moments later…

“Dad we took off our clothes and we are in the bed, what do I do?”

O.K. Son, listen up. Move real close to her and she should move real close to you, and then… Ah, call me.”

A few moments later…

“DAD! WE TOOK OFF OUR CLOTHES, GOT IN THE BED AND MOVED REAL CLOSE, WHAT DO I DO???”

“O.K. Son, Listen up, this is the most important part. Stick the long part of your body into the place where she goes to the bathroom.”

A few moments later…

“Dad, I’ve got my foot in the toilet, what do I do?”

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